“The religion of Christ is the religion of joy. Christ came to take away our sins, to roll off our curse, to unbind our chains, to open our prison house, to cancel our debt; in a word, to give us the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…Where can we find a joy so real, so deep, so pure, so lasting? There is every element of joy –deep, ecstatic, satisfying, sanctifying joy in the Good News of Christ.” Octavius Winslow
Hello Father
I can be stubborn. You know this. Until a short while ago, I had no idea just how stubborn I could be. I had no idea, because I took pride in my stubbornness. Just reading those words makes me wince, but there it is. I was so stubborn, sometimes on purpose.
You know why. You knew it was my weak way of protecting myself, my heart, my soul, from everything. It was easier to be stubborn than to trust you and be disappointed. It felt more comfortable for me to just rebel in the knowledge that I was being stubborn, than to do what You were asking me to. And of course, You know why it was so hard for me to let go. At the core of this was my fear that I wouldn't get what I wanted, that obeying You would deprive me of something good.
Apparently, I had much better taste in everything than You did. I mean, its not like I'm only twenty something while you've been around for eons of time or anything. Its not as though You're the Dad and I'm the kid, the Potter to my clay, the Creator to my creation. And it wasn't as if you LOVED me and only had the best for me or anything. All of this clearly didn't exist for me, in my stubbornness.
So Father, I'm sorry for being so stubborn. You and I, we've come a long way since. We've danced, sang, laughed, walked, ran, jumped, taken photos and written. We've worked this out. I'm glad we did, because this rock of my stubbornness, it needed to be buried, no exploded, into a billion little pieces never to be put together again.
Thank you. I love You.
Yv
Hello God
Merry Christmas! I know its kind of interesting to wish you a Merry Christmas, seeing as we're commemorating something you did, but I do have a gift for you so its totally worth it :).
I saw something today that broke my heart God. A girl was asking the guy she liked if he'd like her back, once she lost weight. This broke my heart God. It made me remember the times when I didn't consciously think your love was conditional, but lived my life like it was. The things I allowed into my life. The places I went I should never have gone to. The people I allowed influence who should never have stepped foot in the door. The low price my owners bought me for.
I never truly understood that You, by nature, are unconditional. I didn't understand then that You, by nature, are Love. Love in all its beauty, its fierceness, its loyalty, its faithfulness, its honesty, its beauty, its wholeness, its purity, and yes, its emotion. I thought I was emotional, but I did not experience emotion till I got with you! I thought I knew what emotional was, till I saw Your emotion, and just had to wave the white flag.
Your emotion in its sacredness, in its Love, it got me, God. Love in such wholeness, You came down that first Christmas, and everyday since, to find me and bring me back.
Thank you for You, crushing every lie, so I can celebrate my first real unconditionally loved Christmas.
Merry Christmas God. I love You.
Yv
Dear God,
I've been missing. Not lost, just missing. But you already knew that. Its not as though you don't know about my disappearing act from writing and blogging. You know this, as well as you know me all.
Have you missed us having these chats out here? I did, just a teensy weensy little bit though. I mostly didn't, because for the longest time I was dry, shut up and unable to think of why we needed to do this for guests to read. Now I do know why. So here I am, back again, writing again if You'll let me keep writing.
I have so much I want to share, so much You want to say in these chats. I'm sorry I wasn't ready to be a shofar. I am now, so let's do this.
Let's do this today for the ones who are feeling alone this festive season. You see them so much better than I do, Father.
They're the ones watching movies all alone and wishing they had people to watch it with.
The ones whose spouses are so busy with life and everything else but them, leaving them with this gaping hole.
The one who is sitting behind the computer bored and just looking for something to keep them occupied.
For the ones who feel lost, abandoned, lonely and far away from their families and loved ones.
For those in travel.
For those with depression.
For those who are just aching for that hand to hold, that warmth of companionship, the giggles that are gone, the whispers in the night.
Let's do this for them, Lord. Let's give them some love, peace and joy as they read this. Let's tell them how much you're there with them in that bed, sofa, behind that computer or in that airport. Let them feel how much you're reaching over to catch that tea cup before it spills hot tea all over their computers. Wiping that lone tear traveling down their cheek. Giggling with them at the silliness of the main characters in the movie. Snuggling with them as they read. Holding their hands in yours as they walk in the snow, chilled, but wishing they were playing with a loved one outside.
Let's help them see, and know, and feel, beyond a doubt, that they are not alone, that they don't have to feel alone, that there is a connection and intimacy with you that gives warmth beyond that of cuddling, peace beyond holding hands in the snow, and joy beyond watching a romantic comedy with loved ones and laughing together.
Do they see Lord? Because you do see, and you are there.
So I'm back again, in more ways than one, seeing, feeling and knowing this: I am not alone.
I love You, and I'm so glad to be welcomed back. Now, let's do this, shall we?
Yv
