Sunday, December 27, 2015

Buried Rock

Hello Father
I can be stubborn. You know this. Until a short while ago, I had no idea just how stubborn I could be. I had no idea, because I took pride in my stubbornness. Just reading those words makes me wince, but there it is. I was so stubborn, sometimes on purpose.
You know why. You knew it was my weak way of protecting myself, my heart, my soul, from everything. It was easier to be stubborn than to trust you and be disappointed. It felt more comfortable for me to just rebel in the knowledge that I was being stubborn, than to do what You were asking me to. And of course, You know why it was so hard for me to let go. At the core of this was my fear that I wouldn't get what I wanted, that obeying You would deprive me of something good.
Apparently, I had much better taste in everything than You did. I mean, its not like I'm only twenty something while you've been around for eons of time or anything. Its not as though You're the Dad and I'm the kid, the Potter to my clay, the Creator to my creation. And it wasn't as if you LOVED me and only had the best for me or anything. All of this clearly didn't exist for me, in my stubbornness.
So Father, I'm sorry for being so stubborn. You and I, we've come a long way since. We've danced, sang, laughed, walked, ran, jumped, taken photos and written. We've worked this out. I'm glad we did, because this rock of my stubbornness, it needed to be buried, no exploded, into a billion little pieces never to be put together again.
Thank you. I love You.